


Speak of the devil

by Igraine_smiley



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 21:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17009451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Igraine_smiley/pseuds/Igraine_smiley
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowely meet someone in L.A





	Speak of the devil

"Come on, Angel! Were you really expecting to come to Los Angeles with me without catching a glimpse of its depravity?" Crowley asked towering over the angel. The one-sided argument had been going for half an hour, the reason: a night club. A very fancy one would clarify Crowley. 

"Of course not, my dear. I know you well enough" Aziraphel answered barely taking his eyes from the ancient book he was trying to read. Trying being the keyword. "I don't see the appeal of going to a night club of all places" said the angel finally giving up on the reading. "You don't even like those places either!"

"This one is different" Argued the demon "it's a beacon of soul corruption" the angel scowled "Come on! take it as a touristic attraction, like the Coliseum"

"Are you really comparing the Coliseum with a night club, dear?" Aziraphale rolled his eyes.

"The good stuff happens in both places, or happened in that case" exclaimed the demonic entity looking far more excited than he should be for such an inane thing "and by good I mean nasty stuff,and listen this place is so..."

"Why do I have to go, can't you just go by yourself? " Aziraphale huffed.

"That would be no fun! And think about it, do you really want to leave me alone to spread evil to an already corrupted audience? you're supposed to thwart my plans! That's the arrangement" Crowley grinned. He didn't plan anything devious for the night but that could do the trick to convince his angel to tag along.

"Oh, don't you dare to bring the arrangement into this, you serpent. You just want to drag me to this Lumos place" Accused his companion getting up with a jump.

"So are you going to leave those poor humans to my mercy?! Shame on you angel, shame on you"

"I'm not going to Lumos. Stop trying to manipulate me" the angel went back to reading.

"Lux, angel! and it's the best night club out there, they get up to crazy stuff every night, come on! I've seen some pictures on Instagram, you have to see them yourself... " explained Crowley taking out his mobile phone. He sounded more like a teenager looking for his parents' permission to go out than a fallen angel. He kneeled down next to Aziraphale and scrolled on the screen for a few seconds but then he stopped suddenly "Ok, maybe you shouldn't see them but..."

"Ok stop! Just stop" exclaimed Aziraphale sounding desperate "I'll go just don't pester me anymore"

"Great choice Angel, you won't regret it"

Later that night Crowley drove them to the Lux. In the Bentley of course. "I can't leave my baby alone, Angel" He had said as he miracled the car to existence as soon as they set foot on American soil. The Bentley actually fit in really well in the streets of L.A where everything was eccentric or luxurious or both of them at the same time. They got to the club ignoring an obscene number of traffic lights. Aziraphale had little time to mentally prepare to enter the place. 

It was a nice club if you were into that kind of things. Purple beams of light cascaded down the ceiling next to huge crystal chandeliers but Aziraphale wasn't into that kind of things. The lights were too dim, the music was too loud and the people were too close. The Angel was sure they could merge into a Lovecraftian creature in any second. How can someone enjoy sharing sweat with a bunch of strangers was something Aziraphale couldn't grasp. On the other hand, Crowley was ecstatic, you could see his eyes glowing under his designer sunglasses. He greeted the dancers on the tables and looked at Aziraphale trying to share his enjoyment. Maybe it wasn't the best place for the angel but seeing Crowley this happy was kind of worth it. They finally found a table in a quiet corner, as quiet it can get in an L.A night club. 

"This place is..." Aziraphale was struggling to find the right words. 

"Amazing!" Beamed Crowley looking around the club" I'm sure they corrupt a different part of their souls each night they come here! It's genius"

"The drinks are good, I suppose" muttered the angel looking at their glasses. The alcohol inside them jumped at the rhythm of the music.

"See? I told you it's a nice place" cheered Crowley leaning back on his seat. 

"You aren't thinking about opening your own night club back home, are you?" Asked Aziraphale a little worried.

"Nah! Too much work. I'll go get us more drinks, feel free to spread holiness if you please" teased the demon

"I'd have to flood the entire place twice with holy water to do that" retailed Aziraphale not sure if the demon had heard. 

The angel was starting to feel dizzy with the constant flickering of lights. He noticed there was a piano next to the dance floor so maybe there was hope that the booming music would stop for a brief show. 

"Oh, hello!" A velvety voice exclaimed next to him. Aziraphale turned to find a handsome tall man next to him. "what are you doing here, sweetheart? You seem a bit out of place" He said fixing his chocolate eyes on the angel. 

"Tagging along with a fanboy of this place, I'm afraid" The angel replied. The stranger's voice was barely audible in the middle of the racket but Aziraphale recognized the familiar accent "oh! You are British! It's good to meet someone from home" well, technically not home but Britain was where his heart laid. 

"I try to avoid people from back home actually" the man sat down without being invited and leaned forward towards Aziraphale "Aren't you having fun?" He asked arching an eyebrow. 

"I have nice company but is not really my style, dear" the angel took a sip of the overpriced drink.

"What can I do to make it more your style.... dear? " the man crossed his long legs "What's your name?"

"Ezra fell" Cowley was surely taking his time.

"So Mr. Fell, what can I do to please you?" The man smiled "Ask ahead. I'm the owner of the place, you know. Lucifer Morningstar"

"You are... The ... The owner?" The angel stuttered. He couldn't be THE LUCIFER, could he ?

"Impressive isn't?" The man gloated.

"Lucifer?" the angel asked again trying to feel any manifestation of the adversary's presence. 

"Yeah" Lucifer exclaimed "the devil himself. So what would you change about my beloved Lux? What is your greatest desire?" Aziraphale could feel it now. Like a burning explosion or a blazing star, Lucifer's power made the Angel shiver. 

"I.... I.... havetogonowwasreallynicetomeetyoubyebye" Aziraphale got up in a rush but he only made a few steps away from the table when he collided with a solid weight. 

"Angel!" Crowley exclaimed as the Aziraphale bumped into him and stained his tailor suit with wine "Looks like you have seen a ghost. What's wrong with you!? Look what you've done to my suit!" He complained setting the cups on the table and trying to get as much alcohol as possible out of his outfit. 

"Crowley!! forget your suit" Aziraphale hissed grabbing the demon by the arm and tugging him in the exit's direction "we have to go NOW"

"Angel?" Lucifer exclaimed "Oh I can feel it now! How interesting!" He put his hand on Aziraphale shoulder and turned the Angel to face him "You really know how to hide your grace, love. You should give my brother some lessons"

"Back off mate!" Crowley pushed Lucifer away. Aziraphale let out a tiny scream while covering his mouth "who are you again?"

"And a demon? Oh you are naughtier than you seem Mr. Fell" The man wiggled his eyebrows and clapped "Let me introduce myself, Lucifer Morningstar and I believe I'm your boss... mate" he added mockingly.

Aziraphale saw Crowley go pale before the room around them turned into a blur. Suddenly they weren't at Lux anymore, they were sitting on a comfortable sofa in an expensive looking loft. A huge window showed an impressive view of L.A. They could see almost all the city from there. The street lights seemed like little candles from the high floor. Crowley would be admiring the decoration skills of the owner if said owner wasn't the King of hell. 

"So who sent you? my brother? my father?" Lucifer asked pacing in front of them. He didn't look at all like the Lucifer they fought in the nineties. He looked and sounded pretty human. He was also disturbingly handsome. Well, he wouldn't choose an ugly corporation, would he? Crowley opened his mouth to speak but Lucifer stopped him " Please take off those glasses before talking to me. Sunglasses indoors, really? So tacky! They make you look like an asshole" 

"I don't have much choice unless you want me to traumatise humans willy-nilly " said Crowley removing his glasses to reveal a pair of yellow reptilian eyes. 

"Much better Mr. Snake eyes" 

"Crowley, I'm Crowley" the demon couldn't help snapping at Lucifer even though he knew the devil was trying to wind him up. The angel patted his knee in an attempt to calm him down "No one sent us, sir. We were assigned to earth from the beginning. You probably remember that since you took credit form the apple situation" Aziraphale kicked his ankle.

"We are just visiting the States, it's been a while since we've been here..." Aziraphale said looking at Crowley for support. 

"We made a stop here, Los Angeles It's a beacon of perversion, like Disneyland for demons you must know..." the demon added. 

"We are not looking for trouble!" 

"How cute! finishing each other sentences!" Lucifer mocked "Pathetic!" he was heading towards the bar but stopped in his tracks "Wait! You are the ones who fucked up the apocalypse! I remember you! Aziraphale and Crawly!"

"Actually it's Crowley now and in my defence, it was the nuns' fault, like 85% their fault" He hated how hell only remembered how he messed up and completely ignored his achievements; the M25, YouTube, Christmas shopping!!! 

"I must admit I was extremely pissed back then Crawly. I wanted to skin you alive but I understand you lot now" Lucifer said pouring a glass of whiskey for himself. 

"You do?" The angel and the demon asked in perfect synchronization. That was unexpected.

"Yes! Earth is a wonderful place! Music, alcohol, sex, action movies!" Lucifer eyes lit up. 

"So... you are living here on earth, sir? Is that why hell has been so quiet? Not that I'm complaining" Crowley reached for his sunglasses.

"Yes, Crawly I've been living the life here on earth, loving every second of it actually" Lucifer was smiling. It was a genuine smile that was going to give Crowley nightmares for centuries. 

"So... You are not going to kill us and torture us forever in hell?" The angel muttered. 

"No! I should thank you really! After all, you have given me the chance to enjoy humanity at it's best" He toasted to them with the glass of whiskey. 

"Lucifer! I've been looking for you!" A woman barged in like she owned the place "Are you ignoring my calls or what?" 

"And here comes humanity" Lucifer said before turning to greet the woman "Hello, detective!" 

"Who are they?" The woman asked "Wait! You don't need to tell me" she brought her hand to her forehead looking exasperated "Your threesome will have to wait we have a case, so start moving" 

"Threesome?" Lucifer laughed "Oh no!! detective, these are my siblings! Can't you see the resemblance ?" 

"This is getting ridiculous, how many siblings do you have?" She asked looking at the pair with suspicion. 

"Too many" the devil sighed.

"SIBLINGS...? Oh please, don't call us that!" Crowley exclaimed "It's so twisted... I'm your employee at best!"

"Ok...I won't ask... but at least this one seems to have the right accent. Now move, we have to go. I'm detective Decker by the way. I'm sorry but I need your brother or whatever he is to leave now" She threw Lucifer a warning look and dragged him towards the lift.

"We are not related.... ... I just... I DON'T NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE" Crowley rubbed his temples. 

"TAKE HIM!" Aziraphale stood up "I mean...Don't worry, dear"

"The family gathering must wait. Duty is calling, but you can stay, everything on me! We are celebrating earth! And say hi to my dear Adam for me!" Lucifer exclaimed from inside the lift before the doors closed. 

"This is why we don't come to the states, dear" Aziraphale said to an astonished Crowley. 

"I can't believe Lucifer was flirting with you"

"What can I say, I'm a demon magnet" The angel shrugged.

"Really Angel?" Crowley made a pained noise "That was so bad, I need a drink. Let's ransack the bastard's bar"


End file.
